Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
