I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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