after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
