i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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