they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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