walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize