we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
