So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
