im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
