The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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