I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
