Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize