you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
