she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize