just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
