mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
