Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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