If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
