oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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