I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Tell her she can't have a vagina
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
