Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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