Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
