I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
