did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
