Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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