I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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