She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
