i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
there is glitter all over my balls
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