I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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