this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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