All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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