with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
