absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Enjoy the penises
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
