Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
