Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I deserve this hangover.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
