So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
