I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
