My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
