no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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