My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
