I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
