Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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