there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
