they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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