Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
