So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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