She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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