is your mom at the bar?
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize