Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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