That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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