my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
