Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
