before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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