he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
