I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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