Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
