Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
