don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Oh god it's open bar.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
