So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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