If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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