I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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