Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
