So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
