You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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