I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
