he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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