he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
