Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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