i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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