My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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