I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
