Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
