it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
