shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
