My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
