just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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