I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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