I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
