Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
