We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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