your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
