Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i will never coherently bang her
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
