it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
