i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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