I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
