for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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