I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
