ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
